I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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