Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
