So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
