I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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