i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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