Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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