I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
