Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Mom said you looked used
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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