it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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