If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
