It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
