Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
