So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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