No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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