Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
