Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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