Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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