Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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