I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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