Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
