I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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