in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My balls are so social today.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
