goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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