I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
