have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
