It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
