Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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