Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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