That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
