Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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