We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
