so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
