the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
