Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
