Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this just has baby written all over it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
