somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
