Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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