he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
