is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
