one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
