he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
