Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
