i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
