Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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