She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
