i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
