She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
