Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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