Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
