none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
