in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have to summon your inner elephant
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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