I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
