apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize