Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
