so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
