My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
