I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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