Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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