I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
