I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My vagina just recognized that song.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
