Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
