btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
