ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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