I look better un-naked...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
