One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
