put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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