I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
