So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
