There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
